Night Surfing

Just about once per week I wake up in the middle of the night and have trouble falling back asleep. I think its anxiety related because my heart is usually pounding when it happens. It never seems to be related to a dream; at least that I can remember.

I usually, try to fall back asleep, then realize that I'm parched, so I hobble* to the kitchen and slug half a Nalgene full of ice cold water from the fridge. It's at this point that I typical realize that I'm not falling asleep anytime soon, so I grab my eye glasses on my way back to bed and turn on the television.

Television in the middle of the night is tricky when you only have basic cable. Ninety percent of the channels are typically "Paid Programming" at that hour, which, unless you have enough weed to make Infomercials about the Slap Chop or that paranoid nut-bar Kevin Trudeau (who is convinced he's cured every human disease...and "The Man" is out to get him because of it) interesting, then you really need to hunt around.

I like to avoid shows that will keep me up. Sportscenter which runs on a continuous loop after midnight seems to be designed to pump up the viewer. Quick cuts, music, flashy graphics, and former steroid pumping commentators that still have a bit of the "rage" coursing through their veins do nothing to help me fall back asleep.

Comedy Central also needs to be avoided since after midnight they start running the nonstop "Girls Gone Wild" loop. Where are these bars with scantily clad eighteens ready to lift their shirts at the drop of a tequila shot? One of my favorite parts of this soft-core tease-fest is the bright red jiggling "Girls Gone Wild" graphic logo that gets plopped over these inebriated girls breasts at the moment they are fully exposed. As you can imagine this is also not “lull yourself back to sleep” television.

Occasionally you can find a grouping of two or three Law & Order episodes (can they ever show just one?). A few years back I was dating a women who was clearly too young for me. One day she told me that Law & Order was a modern day "Matlock". The type of show that old people plan their entire day around. "Gotta be back from the Senior Center in time for Law & Order". I took offense to this only because I knew it was true. But it didn’t stop me from watching (I love that show). Law & Order is definitely a perfect late night snoozer primarily because you can watch it with your eye's closed. It relies heavily on dialogue and the show structure never changes (crime> investigation> court> repeat).

Another safe bet for late night is PBS. Why is it the only time I can ever find something worth watching on PBS is at 3am or in the middle of their fund raising drives? I never seem to find Frontline @ 8pm when I really want to watch TV? It must be in their mission statement or hardwired into their corporate doctrine to develop programming with muted emotional plains. Nothing ever gets too wild on PBS which makes it ideal for someone desperately trying to fall asleep, but too uncomfortable with their own thoughts to lay there in silence.

Last night PBS showed the “some people call it a cult classic but I'm not sure why” film "Luke and Brie Are on a First Date" (2008). This movie falls into the mumblecore genre. That's right, I said mumblecore. Wikipedia describes mumblecore as:

"...an American independent film movement that arose in the early 2000s. It is primarily characterized by ultra-low budget production... focus on personal relationships between twenty-something’s, improvised scripts, and non-professional actors...Film journalists have also used the terms "bedhead cinema", and "Slackavetes," a reference to independent film director John Cassavetes."

Didn’t John Cassavetes play Jesus in Mel Gibson’s The Passion, or was that James Caviezel?

How do all of these sub genres get classified? Is there an official process or is it purely on the whim of the journalists charged with describing all this art in our world? Sometimes it feels like there are as many sub genres as there are films.

Did you know there is, like 30 different sub genres of Metal music? Drone metal, Sludge metal, Grindcore and Funk Metal are just a few. Why does it seem that this ultrafine level of classification doesn't really help me?

For example, I love Stoner Metal pioneers Fu Manchu. But knowing that they're considered to be part of that genre has done little to help me find other bands to enjoy. It's probably because bands rarely fit into one genre. Maybe I like Fu Manchu because they are a little Stoner Metal and a little Skate Punk with touches of Garage Punk. Where as a band like Kyuss, who is considered the quintessential Stoner Rock band, tends to have more Doom Metal and Psychedelic Rock influences.

All of this sub genre talk is making my head hurt. I think it’s bed time.

*Leg soreness, probably associated with poor leg circulation...don't get me started on my fears that I have COPD